Frenemies Blog

So Now Putin’s Chinese Or Something?

In case you missed his lovely speech, on September 24th  Putin jumped out of a cake and announced he would run for President again. Surprise! Now he has this to say about leadership in Russia…

Tell me this doesn’t sound like China’s “social harmony” nonsensical hoo-ha.

Via Ria Novosti:

Putin, who is going to run for president in March 2012, said “predictability of the policy course, political stability is just as important as macroeconomic stability.”

“We do not intend to stand still, but will act on the assumption that our citizens and our partners in the economic, as well as the political field, feel the continuity of our course, feel that they are dealing with a stable, respectable country in which they can invest their money and with which they can and should cooperate,” he said.

Democracy!

Silvio Berlusconi Doesn’t Give A F*** (Yeah, We Noticed, Thanks.)

Someone blackmailed Silvio Berlusconi to cover up his dalliances with prostitutes. To FrenemiesBlog, that’s not newsworthy. If he wasn’t getting blackmailed, it would mean he hadn’t taught the Italian people how to do anything during his tenure.

Note: He paid the blackmailers, Giampaolo Tarantini and his wife, $714,000 by the time all was said and done, because Giampolo had helped procure prostitutes for some of Berlusconi’s bunga-bunga parties. The Tarantinis were arrested Thursday. Yadda-yadda

Okay, so the news is in the recorded phone calls that are now being played publicly during the Tarantini trial. Apparently, Berlusconi’s phone was tapped during the blackmail investigation. Frankly, all of this boggles our mind— but here’s a part of a conversation he had with newspaper editor Valter Lavitola:

“I couldn’t give a f***. In a few months I’m going to go away and mind my own f****** business. I’m leaving this s*** country that makes me feel like puking,” he said, according to a report by Italian news agency ANSA.

“I’m so transparent, so clean in everything I do. There’s nothing I could be reproached for. I don’t do anything that could be seen as a crime. People can say I f*** but that’s all they can say,” Berlusconi was quoted as saying.

Ha! Okay, Silvio.

Chechen’s Mark End Of Ramadan The Only Way They Know How

With bombs, obviously. Last night 3 suicide bombers attacked in Grozny, the Chechen capitol, killing 9 and wounding 22. Of course, regional President Ramzan Kadyrov’s response to the violence is more violence. 

Via The Guardian:

Kadyrov said the attackers were “zombified bandits” and “not people, but the devil incarnate”. He praised officers who had attempted to stop a terrorist attack “on the holiest day for all Muslims, [when] people forgive all wrongs, and help the poor, orphaned and sick”…

The explosions proved that “evil must be annihilated” and that a fierce and uncompromising battle was the only way to stamp out the rebels, Kadyrov added.

Here’s how it went down:

•  Ignoring police calls to halt, the first bomber walked 150 meters from Parliament, and detonated. 
• 20 minutes later, 2 men walked to them same spot and exploded. 7 police died, 16 were wounded.

Understand, April marked 2 years since the end of the Chechen wars. Each year President Ramzan Kadyrov makes a speech about Russian victory. And each year hundreds die in attacks.

Naturally, notorious Russian Islamist Doku Umarov has claimed responsibility. He’s also claimed that he’s ready to die.

“Today, none of us knows how and when his life will end,” he said. “Allah be praised, I am ready for death at any moment, I am calm and do not worry about that. I am ready for death anywhere, even at the wheel of a Kamaz [truck] with an explosive device.”

Really Doku? Prove it.

North Koreans “Pine” For Kim Jong-Il Because He Is Really Nice

As faithful readers know, Kim Jong-Il is currently in Russia, pretending to want to start 6-party nuclear talks and pointing at things that aren’t allowed in his country. This, North Korean state media reports, makes his people sad, because they miss the warm glow that comes from his doughy little body.

Via Ria Novosti (I have to say that, because elsewise you would think I make this up):

“Endless melancholia fills the hearts of the people…in the absence of their great leader and supreme commander-in-chief, comrade Kim Jong-il, who is now on a visit to Russia,” the Rodnom Sinmun paper – the official mouthpiece of the ruling Labor Party – said.

“The Korean people are now making great achievements in their work to delight General Secretary Kim Jong-il when he returns home,” the state KCNA news agency said.

“The Rangnang Ponghwa Garment Factory has almost attained its monthly target, while the Pyongyang Textile Mill has topped its daily assignments at more than 120 percent,” it added.

The North Korean news agency also informed its readers that “the Musan Mining Complex, a major concentrated iron ore producer of the country, is working on installing large cone-type crusher No. 2.”

I need to see this large cone-type crusher ASAP.

A Headline In Shanghai Daily Today: Quake sends US East Coast scrambling like 9/11

Completely, effing uncool. 

Kim Jong Il Is Looking At Things In Russia Today

Today, Kim Jong Il is riding around Russia in an armored train looking at power plants. According to coverage from the Christian Science Monitor, he’s also looking at Libya and worrying about his son succeeding him— because let’s face it, Gaddafi’s sons couldn’t do jack for their dad.

“His visit is all tied to succession in North Korea,” says Lee Jong-min, the dean of international studies at South Korea’s Yonsei University. “He wants to buff up his son’s standing. That’s the major driver.”

Click here for Frenemies Blog coverage of North Korea’s succession. In a nutshell, the eldest son, *Kim Jong-nam, is fat, drunk, carries a fake Dominican passport and likes to gamble in Macao. He is called “Fat bear” by his beloved people, and he will not be succeeding his father. Fat bear’s younger brother is Kim Jong-un. We know very little about Jong-un because that’s just the way North Korea works.

*North Korean experts think this “fat, bumbling party-boy” thing may just be an act, and that Jong-nam actually just flies around the world laundering North Korean arms money. This theory is not funny, so I try not to push it too hard on the blog.

Hassan Nasrallah Didn’t Do It, Obviously, Because Hassan Nasrallah Said He Didn’t Do It

This angry koala bear is still Hassan Nasrallah, leader of Hezbollah, a violent Shiite extremist group found in southern Lebanon. He is especially angry today, as the United Nations recommended that four members of his group be arrested for the 2005 murder of former Lebanese Prime MinisterRafik Hariri (Al Jazeera). 

For 6 years Nasrallah has been denying accusations that Hezbollah conspired to murder former Lebanese Prime Minister Rafik Hariri (He blamed Israel). These accusations are stupid, he basically said, and if you keep talking about them, we’ll kill you. Basically.

The UN frankly, did not care for Nasrallah’s rantings. They created a tribunal to investigate the murder in 2007, and in January of this year they planned to release their findings to the world…which would be fine with Nasrallah if Lebanon weren’t in the world.

But it is. And Nasrallah was pretty sure this UN panel was going to finger some of his guys in the killing (because of Israel)… so what did he do? He toppled the Lebanese government — a government, incidentally, lead by Hariri’s son, Saad.

When all was said and done Nasrallah got his way, he managed to put his guy in power and everything was fine. He also managed to prove that if people in Lebanon didn’t do what he said, he would just take the whole country down. 

End of story, until the Arab Spring happened. One of Hezbollah’s main funders, the Syrian government started weakening as protestors would not stop taking the streets, so the UN probably thought, “hey, lets give this truth thing another try.”

Boom! This week the UN tribunal accused four members of Hezbollah of planing the bomb that killed the Lebanese Prime Minister. A judge ordered that they be arrested yesterday (and by that I mean ASAP). 

Nasarallah was livid at Israel, of course, because this whole thing was their fault, he said.

Frenemies Blog cannot pretend to know who killed Rafik Hariri, though we suspect it was in fact not Israel. We also suspect that if these four men are actually incarcerated, Hassan Nasrallah will try to show everyone who runs Lebanon once again. A scary prospect to be sure, but given the state of his supporters, perhaps not as intimidating as it was 8 months ago.

The four suspects:

Gather Round Kids, Frenemies Is Gonna Tell You Why Italy’s So Damn Broke.

Frenemies Blog has had it with all this European market crashing. Its embarrassing. Proper countries like Germany have had to give handouts to usually drunk and hilarious, but now just sad-looking countries like Ireland and Italy. 

France is looking BAD today, but Italy is the real horror. It’s the 3rd largest economy in the Eurozone and is going down fast. All these reasons why are confusing mumbo jumbo, so I’m going to give it to you in bullets so you understand, capiche?

This what they’re working with:

• There are only 331 companies on the Italian stock exchange, because most businesses are family owned Mom and Pop’s.

• Most large companies are formerly stated owned banks and utilities.
• Strong guilds stifle competition, and companies don’t do a lot of hiring.
• The labor market doesn’t move, not even immigrants like it.
• And the government is massive and full of Bimbos (oops, shouldn’t be capitalized) appointed by Berlusconi (a moron who can’t fix anything).
• Corruption, corruption, corruption. (Read: the mob)
• Energy costs are high and no one pays taxes. 

So nowwww:

• Italy isn’t growing and debt is 120% of GDP
• Youth unemployment is crazy high (almost 30% of 15-24 y/o)
• Stocks are falling like a knife and Moodys is warning that it will downgrade Italy’s credit rating. 

(Business Insider)